I am here sending you all best wishes from Israel and to tell you I subscribed to you because you are just so special and fantastic that you light up all of the doom filled and scary days here right now- and I promise you that you WILL find the love of your life, and that you just cannot know when or how. After 20 years in an unhappy marriage I found the love of my life unexpectedly at the age of 42..you just never know whats around the corner...
Love crying over a plumber, I suppose he is used to leaks. The end of one world is horrible but 40 years on I love what eventually happened next in my particular book of love and life and I have a beautiful grandson too. Don’t drown swim through the tears!!
Missed your heartbroken insta, just saw the story about Dennis on the bed where you hinted at a tough week. Oh Sophia - that heartbreak pain is so awful. Of course it will fade a bit, and then echo back, and fade some more.
I bet Dennis is such a help (er..would a picture have killed you?). I went to the airport a few weeks ago for a silly early flight... with my husband's passport. Had to fight back from Stansted to home to get mine for a later flight on 3 hours sleep. But. When I got home next door's cat (the love of my life atm) was in the garden and actually made a big fuss of me, when he's so stand-offish normally. It made my day much better - I swear animals know. Dennis especially.
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would your very best friend. And make sure Dennis has space on the bed!
I’m sending so much love your way. My first husband ended our marriage via text and the end of that felt like a rug being pulled from under my life. I felt utterly despondent. But then I moved back to England (I’m English and American) and I met my second husband who is a million times better and a better fit than my first husband ever was. I was barely with my first husband for 4 years and now I’ve been with my second for 8 years. (I write about my disastrous dating history on my Substack.) I spent soooo many years trying to force the wrong fit, being with people who didn’t make me miserable, all the while trying to make them happy, or chasing away the good ones.
It sounds like your boyfriend felt like a good fit for you and I’m so sad for you because it does truly suck. But the universe will send you your person, the person who sticks around for you and loves you and Dennis the right way.
It’s such a difficult time but the best piece of advice I was given (and you sound more sad than bitter to be fair) was: “don’t drink the poison and expect them to feel it.” Release all negativity or injustice and know that the best things are coming from you because, whilst (to me) you’re only a funny internet stranger, you seem truly wonderful and he’s missing out. But the right one won’t miss out on all you have to offer. 🫶🏻
The right kind of Shark can really work wonders. However, I have one that works well, but not strong enough for pet hair. A Dirt Devil could be the ticket.
As for the matters of the heart… it’s awful. Then it gets better. And then it’s awful again. I remember a break up with someone I was sure I would marry; I stopped drinking for a full month, mostly to avoid any late night, teary phone calls begging him to reconsider. The next month, when I felt I could manage going out with out having a break down before the appetizers arrived, I left my phone at home … once again to avoid ill advised texts and online prowling of where he could possibly be and who he might be with.
We all have our own ways of coping, wishing you love and strength as you put one foot in front of the other.
Such a beautiful piece. I loved those parting lines from The Times piece and they are still true - as you said, turns come back around. I’m glad you had a fun year and more fun is on the way, even if it doesn’t look like it. But I’m sorry for the hurt right now. Just love your writing x
I don't have any words of wisdom to offer except I'm so sorry. Allow yourself to ride the rollercoaster of emotions that will be the next few weeks and months. Don't beat yourself up about being sad. You will come out of it eventually but there is no right time limit and grief is not linear. Accept the lighter times when they appear, acknowledge the sad times and try and ride the wave back up from the depths of despair without letting them overwhelm you. One day you will feel lighter and the downs will become less frequent and shorter and the ups will take over again. Thinking of you and sending you strong positive vibes x
Well, you’ve just set me off now. I swear I’m going through a male menopause, if such a thing exists. I’ve cried twice this morning. What’s with that? You’ve also made me desperately want a fag. It’s been a year and a half. The last time I felt as you do now was 27 years ago. It felt like it would never get better, that my heart would never heal. But a year later, when I was least expecting it, a man tornadoed himself into my life and 26 years later I’m still spinning. The last fifteen have been with a dog by my side too. There’s no one on earth that will love you so unconditionally. Just let yourself go through it with Dennis by your side. Allow yourself time to wallow for a bit until you bore yourself back to life. Btw - she’s right about the Henry, but I would get a little handheld gorgeous Dyson, or something, just for the stairs. Henry is a hefty old thing.
Huge sympathy. It hurts so much. Particularly when you aren't expecting it. I cried for weeks. Everywhere (the bakery, the cheese shop, the pharmacy, the supermarket, the garage, in bed, at meals, in the bath... everywhere. All the time.). And with everyone I met: family, friends and random people in the street in the village where I live in rural France. People were great (I had a blog at the time and people I'd never met were amazingly kind). It hurt so much in the mornings I woke thinking my bed would be drenched in blood. (I literally checked) It does get better though (I'm now 12 years on and suffer from dry eyes - go figure!). Really. And you have Dennis. Be kind to yourself.
Dear Sophia - The internet is a strange phenomenon: I feel I know you. I spent an inordinate amount of time over the weekend thinking and fretting about you, suspecting - accurately as it turned out - what had happened. So sorry. Very few other words will suffice. I can’t begin to compete with Steinbeck, but I recall something I once heard Tom Hanks say (during Covid actually) , which has helped me and mine on many occasions: ‘it will all be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright, it’s not the end’
Hug the dog and walk lots, and your poor battered heart will beat on, despite all current suspicions to the contrary.
PS - OBVIOUSLY get a Henry. Fewer moving parts = less to get jammed up. No one wants to have to dismantle a cleaner to release mounds of dog detritus; especially someone sad…..
Oh God it hurts so much. So sorry. To Dennis you will always be his Number 1 Person though and that’s a magnificent feeling.
Don’t get a corded upright Shark - I hate mine with intense loathing. Great suction but v heavy and falls over ALL the fucking time taking chunks out of the woodwork if you use the extending hose.
Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. I have been there a few times and its always comforting to know you aren't the only one that's been heartbroken (it always feels that way when you're in it). You seem like a lovely, smart, funny, and kind person and I am rooting for you!
Also, I highly recommend a Miele canister vacuum. They are super reliable and last for years.
Bought a lightweight wireless Vax, rubbish. Replaced with a lightweight cordless Dyson, so excellent. It’s the small/big things like hoovering well that can help the horrible minutes pass and the sadness heal. Along with the peanut butter already recommended. Sending so much love x
I am here sending you all best wishes from Israel and to tell you I subscribed to you because you are just so special and fantastic that you light up all of the doom filled and scary days here right now- and I promise you that you WILL find the love of your life, and that you just cannot know when or how. After 20 years in an unhappy marriage I found the love of my life unexpectedly at the age of 42..you just never know whats around the corner...
Love crying over a plumber, I suppose he is used to leaks. The end of one world is horrible but 40 years on I love what eventually happened next in my particular book of love and life and I have a beautiful grandson too. Don’t drown swim through the tears!!
Missed your heartbroken insta, just saw the story about Dennis on the bed where you hinted at a tough week. Oh Sophia - that heartbreak pain is so awful. Of course it will fade a bit, and then echo back, and fade some more.
I bet Dennis is such a help (er..would a picture have killed you?). I went to the airport a few weeks ago for a silly early flight... with my husband's passport. Had to fight back from Stansted to home to get mine for a later flight on 3 hours sleep. But. When I got home next door's cat (the love of my life atm) was in the garden and actually made a big fuss of me, when he's so stand-offish normally. It made my day much better - I swear animals know. Dennis especially.
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would your very best friend. And make sure Dennis has space on the bed!
I’m sending so much love your way. My first husband ended our marriage via text and the end of that felt like a rug being pulled from under my life. I felt utterly despondent. But then I moved back to England (I’m English and American) and I met my second husband who is a million times better and a better fit than my first husband ever was. I was barely with my first husband for 4 years and now I’ve been with my second for 8 years. (I write about my disastrous dating history on my Substack.) I spent soooo many years trying to force the wrong fit, being with people who didn’t make me miserable, all the while trying to make them happy, or chasing away the good ones.
It sounds like your boyfriend felt like a good fit for you and I’m so sad for you because it does truly suck. But the universe will send you your person, the person who sticks around for you and loves you and Dennis the right way.
It’s such a difficult time but the best piece of advice I was given (and you sound more sad than bitter to be fair) was: “don’t drink the poison and expect them to feel it.” Release all negativity or injustice and know that the best things are coming from you because, whilst (to me) you’re only a funny internet stranger, you seem truly wonderful and he’s missing out. But the right one won’t miss out on all you have to offer. 🫶🏻
Also, I have a Shark and my cleaner says Sharks are the best vacs she uses in people’s houses! 😂
(But my husband keeps a Henry in the shed…for rubble/renovation type instances.)
The right kind of Shark can really work wonders. However, I have one that works well, but not strong enough for pet hair. A Dirt Devil could be the ticket.
As for the matters of the heart… it’s awful. Then it gets better. And then it’s awful again. I remember a break up with someone I was sure I would marry; I stopped drinking for a full month, mostly to avoid any late night, teary phone calls begging him to reconsider. The next month, when I felt I could manage going out with out having a break down before the appetizers arrived, I left my phone at home … once again to avoid ill advised texts and online prowling of where he could possibly be and who he might be with.
We all have our own ways of coping, wishing you love and strength as you put one foot in front of the other.
Such a beautiful piece. I loved those parting lines from The Times piece and they are still true - as you said, turns come back around. I’m glad you had a fun year and more fun is on the way, even if it doesn’t look like it. But I’m sorry for the hurt right now. Just love your writing x
I don't have any words of wisdom to offer except I'm so sorry. Allow yourself to ride the rollercoaster of emotions that will be the next few weeks and months. Don't beat yourself up about being sad. You will come out of it eventually but there is no right time limit and grief is not linear. Accept the lighter times when they appear, acknowledge the sad times and try and ride the wave back up from the depths of despair without letting them overwhelm you. One day you will feel lighter and the downs will become less frequent and shorter and the ups will take over again. Thinking of you and sending you strong positive vibes x
Well, you’ve just set me off now. I swear I’m going through a male menopause, if such a thing exists. I’ve cried twice this morning. What’s with that? You’ve also made me desperately want a fag. It’s been a year and a half. The last time I felt as you do now was 27 years ago. It felt like it would never get better, that my heart would never heal. But a year later, when I was least expecting it, a man tornadoed himself into my life and 26 years later I’m still spinning. The last fifteen have been with a dog by my side too. There’s no one on earth that will love you so unconditionally. Just let yourself go through it with Dennis by your side. Allow yourself time to wallow for a bit until you bore yourself back to life. Btw - she’s right about the Henry, but I would get a little handheld gorgeous Dyson, or something, just for the stairs. Henry is a hefty old thing.
Really feel for you but your turn WILL come round again. Just when you've decided you've had enough of men and absolutely don't need them any more.
Huge sympathy. It hurts so much. Particularly when you aren't expecting it. I cried for weeks. Everywhere (the bakery, the cheese shop, the pharmacy, the supermarket, the garage, in bed, at meals, in the bath... everywhere. All the time.). And with everyone I met: family, friends and random people in the street in the village where I live in rural France. People were great (I had a blog at the time and people I'd never met were amazingly kind). It hurt so much in the mornings I woke thinking my bed would be drenched in blood. (I literally checked) It does get better though (I'm now 12 years on and suffer from dry eyes - go figure!). Really. And you have Dennis. Be kind to yourself.
Dear Sophia - The internet is a strange phenomenon: I feel I know you. I spent an inordinate amount of time over the weekend thinking and fretting about you, suspecting - accurately as it turned out - what had happened. So sorry. Very few other words will suffice. I can’t begin to compete with Steinbeck, but I recall something I once heard Tom Hanks say (during Covid actually) , which has helped me and mine on many occasions: ‘it will all be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright, it’s not the end’
Hug the dog and walk lots, and your poor battered heart will beat on, despite all current suspicions to the contrary.
PS - OBVIOUSLY get a Henry. Fewer moving parts = less to get jammed up. No one wants to have to dismantle a cleaner to release mounds of dog detritus; especially someone sad…..
Oh God it hurts so much. So sorry. To Dennis you will always be his Number 1 Person though and that’s a magnificent feeling.
Don’t get a corded upright Shark - I hate mine with intense loathing. Great suction but v heavy and falls over ALL the fucking time taking chunks out of the woodwork if you use the extending hose.
Just sending love. Heartbreak sucks.
Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. I have been there a few times and its always comforting to know you aren't the only one that's been heartbroken (it always feels that way when you're in it). You seem like a lovely, smart, funny, and kind person and I am rooting for you!
Also, I highly recommend a Miele canister vacuum. They are super reliable and last for years.
You must go confidently in the direction of your dreams . Hold on to the memories of the last year as they were joyous . Onward and upwards ❤️
Bought a lightweight wireless Vax, rubbish. Replaced with a lightweight cordless Dyson, so excellent. It’s the small/big things like hoovering well that can help the horrible minutes pass and the sadness heal. Along with the peanut butter already recommended. Sending so much love x